PREGNANCY BRAIN: MEMORY-BANK ROBBER
PREGNANCY BRAIN. MEMORY-BANK ROBBER. “Empty out your brain! NOW, LADY!!! Put all your memories in the bag so I can speed away from the scene in my gray-matter getaway car!” (Screeching of squishy brain-tires. Enter parietal-lobe police, stage left.) A typical scene. An atypical woman. My wife, in fact. Poor lamb. On one level, I’m...
STOP: Hammer Time
Like so many other things I draw, this one qualifies as “meeting art.” Drew it during a meeting at work. For whatever reason, drawing really focuses my mind. It enables me to listen better. And in the end, it results in ridiculous pictures, too. So no complaints here.
CTJ Creates Cover Art for Author Dwain Smith’s New Book “Bullheaded”
In February, one of my contacts on Twitter, Claudia Hall Christian (@ClaudiaC), indirectly introduced me to Washington D. C.-based author Dwain Smith (@DwainSmith). She informed her followers that I was interested in creating book art, as I love drawing (in addition to writing). But I gave Claudia a little extra bait to put on her...
For Your Enjoyment and/or Destroyment: “Dear Uncle Sam,” an Early Foray into Fiction
I took a short-fiction course with Dr. Roland Sodowsky in 1997 at Missouri State University (then Southwest Missouri State University), and I wrote two short stories by the end of the course. This was one of them. Preserved in all of its flawed glory, I present to you “Dear Uncle Sam” in PDF format below,...
Talkin’ Bad High School Poetry #2: Barely Dodged a Beating for This One
This is not an April Fool’s post. I wish it was. But it is probably funnier because it is 100% true. In high school I liked this girl named Heather, and I wrote piles of poems for her, thinking that being a poet would set me apart from all of the other eligible bachelors. And...
Build Me a Tent: A Temporary Nativity Scene for My Pregnant Wife
“Build me a tent when you get home,” Becki said. I decided this was something female and cryptic – something I should attempt to decode with great care and introspection. When I applied my woman decoder ring to the task, the resulting message was, “Dude, your wife is totally pregnant. Building a tent is, like,...
Unable to Call for Help When Urine Trouble: Another Toilet Odyssey
I drew the above picture as a mock movie poster awhile ago. But I am starting to believe it has the potential to be a real film. Today’s post is dedicated to my fine friends at #DessertIsland on Twitter who are colossally creative, but do not (yet) wear colostomy bags. I am so glad I...
Washer Washer, Dryer Dryer: An Inexplicable Childhood Game
Inspired by @WritRams’ post. Thanks for reminding me of this inexplicable game. When my sister Alyssa and I were smallish, we played a game called “Washer Washer, Dryer Dryer.” It made sense to our candy-addled kiddie brains, but as we grew up, we both realized it made no sense whatsoever. We tried to explain it...
Fantasia Forest: Free eBook by My 12-Year-Old Self (Yikes!)
I received a letter from a 7-year-old girl in Delacroix, Maryland last week that read as follows: “Dear Chad, When will Fantasia Forest be available as an eBook? I want to read it ever so badly. I am afraid of trashcans, as they clatter so when mother and father empty them into the dumpster in...
Snow Pas: Walking in a Winter Blunderland
In Chapter 3 of my book, The Stained-Glass Kaleidoscope, I write about how my sister Alyssa and I built a snow toilet back in ’94 or ’95. (See above photo of Alyssa and I, taken circa January 2002 on Missouri State campus in Springfield, MO.) I was not lying. Below is an actual picture of...
Feeling Like O. J. Simpson, But Without All the Murder
I wrote this up in October 2009, but did not have a blog at the time. I think you will agree with me that it needed to be excavated from the mine of my mind and posted for all to read. Yesterday, as I drove to Walmart to shop for groceries and supplies, I saw something in the road...
A Radio Broadcast Featuring CTJ & DJG (Right-Click & Save Target)
Follow Me and Give Me Reason to Issue a Restraining Order