Intercontinental Incontinence: Flying the Friendly, er, Fecal Skies
BEFORE I SHARE MY STORY, PLEASE BE SURE YOU WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMEN/WOMEN TODAY IN PROTEST OF SOPA AND PIPA. Wikipedia has made contacting your representatives easy. Click here. I have no idea how I forgot this story. But the other day, it surfaced in my mind like Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing from the bog on Dagobah....
Guest Post by Jennifer Luitwieler: “Emotional Constipation’s Uglier Cousin”
One of the reasons I adore Chad Thomas Johnston and think of him as a brother from another mother is his affinity for stories with a fecal undertone. I was introduced to Chad’s penchant for potty humor through his post on a snow toilet he built with his sister in their yard one winter. They...
A Woman Who Started Smoking at Age 3 Pretends to Know Something About Raising Children: Guest Post by @Rockle
Today’s post is by Rachel Gonzalez (@Rockle on Twitter). The woman is coarse a comedienne as any I have come across on the Internet, and her avatar (see photo on the left) may, in fact, be the greatest avatar in the history of the online world, as she claims in the essay below. She is...
The Assassination of JF(Burger)K(ing): Meeting Doodle #242
I doodle during meetings at work in order to keep my mind from wandering. But sometimes my mind wanders into even weirder territory when the doodles begin to take shape. I still pay attention to the meeting, which explains some of the incoherence of the resulting doodles (i.e. see the inexplicable lower portion of a...
Dadth Vader: On Sleep Apnea and Biomechanical Fatherhood
My daughter is going to call me “Dadth Vader.” I know this now. For she will grow up with a father who is part man, and part machine – or at least this is what I like to think. (The picture above just came in from a fax machine from the future.) I just found...
Honeymoonwalking to Jail: Two Smooth Criminals Marry and Murder
Two years ago, Michael Jackson died while my wife and I honeymooned in Kansas City. He moonwalked out of this life the same week we walked down the aisle together to celebrate the sort of bond so often celebrated in pop songs like Jackson’s “The Way You Make Me Feel.” Last year, as our anniversary...
CTJ Designs Inexplicable “Sock Monkeys Licking Wallpaper” Graphic for WritRams.com
My friend Jackie asked me to draw “sock monkeys licking wallpaper,” and since there was a paycheck involved, I didn’t ask any questions. It was like working for the mafia. I sketched the basic image out at a meeting during work (as always), and then created about 3 different drafts of the final graphic at...
Now Playing at the (a)Musing Foodie Blog: CTJ’s “Indoor Smoke Signals”
My latest piece, “Indoor Smoke Signals,” is available for reading at the (a)Musing Foodie blog, which is hosted by the Liza Hawkins – the Interweb’s preeminent charmer where chowing down is concerned. So do yourself a favor. Read the article here and then follow Liza on Twitter here. An excerpt: My sister and I would’ve noticed...
Nobody Wants to Be the Stinky Kid: CTJ Creates Planetary Recycling Poster for Allen Press, Inc.
I created the above poster (click on it to enlarge it) for Allen Press, Inc., my place of employment here in Lawrence, KS. First, I sketched the shapes and facial expressions for each planet. Then I used GIMP, a freeware raster graphics alternative to Adobe Photoshop, to “ink” the images. The whole project took me...
An Accidental Lesson in Quantum Mechanics: Tripping Over the Twitterverse
While parallel universes belong to the realm of quantum mechanics, I happened to stumble upon one myself this year without any scientific know-how whatsoever: The Twitterverse. Yes, I have discovered the miracle of Twitter. I, who referred to Twitter as the utmost example of Western cultural decline as recent as August of 2010, have become...
Only in Dreams #3: Flunking Students and Failing as a Teacher
I taught public speaking at Missouri State University for five years, which is a way of saying I tortured hundreds of students for 1825 days. Which makes me sound like a Third World dictator that should be taken out by the United States. I saw countless students squirm like slices of bacon in a sizzling...
Vlad’s Vlog: Vol. 2, Talkin’ Bad High School Poetry
I wrote this putrid poem in high school after listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, if memory serves correct. In fact, Billy Corgan’s line “The world is a vampire / sent to dray-ee-ay-ee-ayn” is largely responsible for this piece. All apologies to Billy Corgan & Co. I wish I were kidding, but I am not. I...
A Radio Broadcast Featuring CTJ & DJG (Right-Click & Save Target)
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