When I was a toddler, I apparently used to hide behind the rocking chair when I wanted to fill my pants with miracles. I needed a private place for special moments such as these. Here, Mom caught me in the act. The nerve she had! Would I take a picture of her on the toilet? Never!

I cannot really tell what I am doing here: Acting as a human barometer, attempting to determine the weather? Practicing my baby ninja skills? Either way, this is a pose I still use to this day whenever well-meaning coworkers attempt to blame me for things I am not responsible for … and for things I am, in fact, responsible for, too.

Here I am in jail. But I am happy. Maybe prison isn’t the sort of place all those TV shows and movies make it out to be?

The official caption for this picture is “Baby’s First Teething Biscuit.” If this is my first, I would hate to see my last. That’s all I’m saying. Wow.

I was thinking about wearing this ensemble to work today. Those huge, likely loaded pants would be perfect for cushioning my bum.

Had to put this one at the end, as I think it steals the show. I am wearing the same outfit now as I type these words.