My wife and I have five cats.  The littlest one Omelie (a.k.a. Lunchbox, Bowling Pin, Pinhead) hops up onto our bed at around 5:00 every morning and begins shuffling her feet on the sheets next to me in an attempt to wake me up.  Before Danny J. Gibson sent me the wonderful Wee Wee Water Squirter, I was up Cat Creek without a Puddy Tat paddle.

Shortly after I received this in the mail, however, I realized its true nature.  It was not a novelty toy.  It was a horrifying harbinger of doom for cats, who despise water unless they happen to be drinking it.  Thus, the Wee Wee Water Squirter became a mainstay on the nightstand next to my side of the bed.

How does the Wee Wee Water Squirter work, you ask?  Simply fill the base with water, and pull the little boy’s trousers down (Yes, that really sounds terrible. Wow.) and “Viola” (as the string section of an orchestra would say), the boy becomes a Wee Wee Water Squirter.  He is not anatomically correct, but the water shoots out of his nether regions all the same.

After being hosed down a few times in the middle of the night, Omelie is terrified of this toy.  All I have to do now is reach for it, and Omelie heads for the hills.

Thursday morning Omelie decided to try her luck at 4:00 a.m., and I reached for the Wee Wee Water Squirter like some sort of cat Clint Eastwood.  The only problem is, this toy shoots in one direction but does not have the benefit of being shaped like a squirt gun.  I never know which way the toy is facing in the dark, so I have to feel for the boy’s nose to be sure I am aiming it properly.  Thursday morning at 4:00 a.m. I was apparently too disoriented to bother with feeling for his nose, and I just aimed at Omelie and squirted.

It happened to be facing the wrong opposite direction.  I squirted myself and Becki and our bed all at once.  She kicked me immediately.  I apologized and she mumbled “Mrmph!  Mmmm!  Unghh!”

While I used to sleep on a water bed regularly, I guess Becki was not terribly receptive to the idea to sleeping in the world fish usually inhabit.  But she apparently wanted me to sleep with fishies. The next morning, she had almost no recollection of the incident.

The Wee Wee Water Squirter can be purchased at: http://www.amazon.com/7-5-Inch-Squirting-Wee-Pee/dp/B002WZS7A6